I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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