I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
