The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
