i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
