to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Dear god my vagina.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
