I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
