I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
