2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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