I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Randomize
