my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
