found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
