You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
