Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
