You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
