Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have aggressive nipples.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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