whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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