You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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