how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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