that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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