Swine flu. Run for my life!
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
