i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
