Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
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I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
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I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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