i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
