Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
