ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
