you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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