oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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