don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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