is your mom at the bar?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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