Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
