I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
