woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
