Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
