Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
