U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.