It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm like the big dick whisperer.