im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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