So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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