So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
