please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize