as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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