if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
This baby is an asshole
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
