I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
