There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
