4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
