similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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