She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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