you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. š
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Nothing says āI spent too much in Vegasā quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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