i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
