i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
