So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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