Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
