She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
