She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
