I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
