need another drink. this is the easiest way
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
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