hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
