capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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