youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
