Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
