i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
