Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
