Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
im holly from the hills drunk
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
