It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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