Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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