hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.