i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?