i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
