Will you blow on my dice?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me