u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
