I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Drake has all the answers
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
