I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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